Rejecting Labels - Even the Nice Ones

For every "us," there is an equal and opposite "them."
 
Many people have been given a negative label at some point.  It is enticing to spin those labels into positives - rebranding the pejoratives, whether by asking people to use another, nicer word or by changing views toward that word, or by finding a community of nice people with the same label.

And it feels good because it makes us happy in a way that gives us a team while answering our detractors.  We've won them over by outnumbering them!  Look at us being better than that!  And it's no wonder Twitter profiles and ads love to accumulate labels, from the nauseating box-ticking of "You're a mother, daughter, wife, CEO, politician, and lover of bath salts" (for advertising a thing, possibly bath salts) to "Nerd.  Athlete.  Bacon.  Sarcasm.  Love.  Bath salts" (for advertising oneself).

But in so doing, we unwittingly (or wittingly) embrace the most common label of all time - "us."  And each new "us" makes a "them."

Identity politics, many strains of religion, and any subculture to which things can be marketed - whether for monetary or sociopolitical profit - encourage people to see themselves in several "us" circles.  Every one we draw says something about us - and them.

It's not that every circle comes with a fence.  But to collect loads of things to say that you are, even as it makes it easier for people to place you, makes it harder for you to place them.  The more country borders, the more times you're stopped at customs, and the more has to be translated to understand anybody other than yourself.

So my exhortation is to stop finding meaning in circles, in identities, in labels.  If you want to be more than the sum of your parts, celebrate your parts less and your sum more.  Granted, it hurts to refuse easily available labels.  It hurts to be skeptical of an "us" after being a "them" for so long.  But refusing offered labels gives the freedom to build bridges to anyone, anywhere.  I have done far more things in my life by not wasting resources proving my identity in those things.

We are humans, flawed beings, trying to live to the truth we're aware of so far.  We need grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.  That is my identity and your identity and "them"'s identity.  Anything else unites some at the expense of others.

And if your "us" can't bring "them" in, because it's an attribute they can't possess or the barrier to entry is unrealistic, then you have chosen division and unity at the same time.  You may enjoy the benefits of an identity-based cloister, but make no mistake - it is a cloister, a circle around you and yours that implies a them and theirs who are in some way different.

The only way to avoid this is to refuse the benefits of labels.  The idea sounds foreign, but it liberates like few things can.  Let's just be people, putting our resources into doing things instead of declaring affiliations.

Why do you need to trumpet who you're standing with?  You're standing.  That's enough for me.  Is it enough for you?